Jealousy

So I'm bored, which is never a good thing so before I go and make Mango bread-yes thought of it at 4:30 this morning when Aurora woke me up ( I'm trying to clean out the deep freeze for our move in three weeks and since I'm making up the recipe I hope it turns out well. I'll let you know.) I decided to check all my blogs that I read (50) and found out that two online infertility friends got fantastic gifts yesterday! One got to bring home her adopted daughter from the hospital the other found out that she is having twins after an IVF transfer of donor embryos. She has been trying to get and stay pregnant for ten years.The first 5 years. So AMAZING news on both fronts, beyond thrilled for both families and I'm jealous. I have two amazing, neurotic, beautiful children and am so blessed but I'm also jealous.

So I've washed everything in this house from all our bedding down to the couch cushion covers. I cant start packing yet since I'm out of packing tape (we hired movers to actually move all our junk though) and I currently have no desire to finish the 6 curtain panels waiting for me to line them. I desperately want to plant things and watch them grow but that has to wait till we move in and unpack.Gideon is asleep and Aurora is in timeout(don't ask) so I sit here and think. Its funny with being sick lately I try to remain realistic and think okay this is how your going to feel for 6 months are you ready for this?!NOPE, I'm not and I'm actually really grateful I'm not pregnant right now since Ben is super stressed out transitioning jobs, with the move and thus it trickles down to me. So yeah with the packing, unpacking, decorating, gardening and painting I will be doing in the next three months I'm not ready. I've had some interesting dreams lately the other night I dreamt I had three little girls( including Aurora) and felt bad for Gid because he was so outnumbered and last night I just remember a voice telling me it would happen when the time was right.I agree with that voice. I'm jealous of all the new little souls gracing this world but I look at my son and am glad he gets to be my baby for just a little bit longer. That I have the extra time to give him all the cuddles he requires ALL day long and that I love giving him. So jealous yes, but grateful for God's wisdom and timing too.