I needed this today

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html

Please read this it's pretty fantastic, honest and in my opinion right.You'll have to read it to understand my next statement completely.

I sit here tonight so exhausted that it literally hurts physically and mentally. I went to the doctor on Thursday and was told that I have several cysts equaling the size of a grapefruit along with adhesions and different "lady parts" sticking to things they shouldn't. So it explains a lot. I have been in increasingly intolerable pain,unable to eat a lot without vomiting, severe bloating etc. for 3 months. I literally look 5 months pregnant and its painful to wear pants. So out came the maternity clothes which has been a slap in the face every time I get dressed since we haven't been able to get pregnant.I figured it was all the clomid. It wasn't. So we wait. Not something I do well. We get to wait for the next three weeks, watch and see what the cysts do and monitor how my body is reacting.I will be having major surgery next month. I'm thrilled let me tell ya( extreme sarcasm)So this explains why the clomid wasn't working but it also adds the statement that we may never have another baby. Ever. Ben and I have decided adoption is not an option for our family.Though we both think its an incredible thing. So yeah,its been an emotional weekend for me to say the least.I've cried more than once and well I am not a crier! Thankfully though, I had a beautiful pink butterfly and the cutest cuddliest dragon(complete with green hair) to distract me.

I feel like my body is pretty worthless, it doesn't do much the way it should and I'm pretty tired of that.I know I should be thankful that I can walk and talk and breathe on my own (which I am) but sometimes... I would like to be that judgmental skinny healthy woman with a metabolism and energy who thinks that its only okay to give birth naturally and breastfeed your baby till they're two because they've never been or done anything but. So yeah I'm grateful for that mans blog about women I needed it today.

By the way I do love myself, just my body and I are at odds with each other right now but thankfully I don't define myself( most of the time) but what I look or feel like. I just needed to share this info all at once since I really don't like crying in front of others.It really makes it hard to have a phone conversation as well since I'm one of those people who cant talk when crying.So to those who love me most I'm sorry you had to read this on my blog first. So if you would please pray for me and my little family that if it be Gods will for our little family to grow that I can heal, that they wont have to do a hysterectomy and that I don't have ovarian cancer.I'd appreciate it!